It is impossible to hide your true traits when you’re holding a gun on a battlefield, whether that’s a real one or the type that is used for a paintball game. Situations shape up in a way that you won’t be able to conceal your true inner self, no matter how hard you try.
There are very specific types of soldiers that you will find in a game of paintball. We have tried to decode a few of them. Read on to learn which is your perfect fit!
The Touch-Me-Not
This is the type that clearly stands out, or should we say, cowers behind. It is impossible to find these targets on the field because they will instead spend their time hiding behind an obstacle – or even a person! They are as scared of a paintball gun as they would be of a real rifle.
Their strategy may not become clear to you immediately, but soon, you will understand that it is to outlast every single soldier by using magic – essentially, they spend their time vanishing from the field. The moment you are faced with such a soldier, shoot them, for you never know when they will reappear.
Once-Bitten-Twice-Shy
Very energetic at the beginning, but ruthlessly assaulted by their peer early on in the game, they develop paranoia of getting shot for the remainder of the match. After this near-death experience, or at least that’s how they see it, they will employ every trick they can to not get shot.
They may run out of the arena or even complain of chest pain to justify their lethargy. They may also try to prove that it wasn’t their fault, and they certainly will not accept anyone stating they deserved to lose the game. Watch out for this one. If you have friends that are super competitive and hate to lose, they will probably fit into this category.
The Secret Spy
You will just not be able to say with certainty whether they are actually on your side or on that of the opponents. Their actions may not seem reliable and they are definitely not the type of soldier you want around when you are in danger. Your darkest fears will come alive when this secret agent, that you call your team-mate, uses you as a human shield to save his own.. err.. jacket?
The Commander
Irrespective of whom you have waged a paintball war against, whether it is your group of your favourite people or your office colleagues, there is always the over-enthusiastic soldier. In an off-roading activity, you’d find this type riding the clutch and giving you a bumpy ride.
In a paintball game, they can be spotted at the forefront, shouting instructions at their teammates as if they are Achilles and any others are regular soldiers in the Trojan War. These types of soldiers suffer from a Rambo-syndrome and have probably never missed a single Arnold Schwarzenegger movie in their life.
Watching action movies has led them to believe that they are even prepared for the apocalypse, should it ever happen. If you notice on their hands a tribal tattoo that you hadn’t noticed before, you should pinch their skin. It’s probably just a fake that they have donned in the hope of appearing extra fierce for the game.
The One Teammate You’d Kill Yourself
This soldier’s only concern is to click pictures to post them on Instagram. Once their penultimate objective has been achieved, they lose interest in the game and let others take the lead. They will shoot in random directions and at anything and everything that moves to prove that they are still in the game.
After the game is over, they will definitely walk up to you to brag. Just when you’re expecting a customary handshake, they will instead begin to tell you how they fired a hundred successful rounds in the game, when you know for a fact that the cartridge allows only ten. During round two, when they least expect it, aim, shoot and fire! Even better if you can get someone else to photograph it too! Oh, the irony…
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